just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
