apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
