You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
