A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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