Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
