I could make wine with my vomit
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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