My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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