so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
