laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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