yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
