it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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