I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
