I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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