That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
