so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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