Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
