I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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