Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
