I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
