U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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