Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
