Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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