I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
