Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
