Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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