Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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