Where did you get a picture of my penis
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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