I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
