it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
