the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
