I will die if light touches me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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