you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
