would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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