i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Then you guys just all showered together...?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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