Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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