I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
