I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
