her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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