i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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