I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So many bounce houses so little time
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
