Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
