I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
