A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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