It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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