I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
