on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
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I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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