I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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