did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
