if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
