i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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