eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a sexual gate keeper
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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