Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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