i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
