There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
don't judge my taste in strippers
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
