sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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