i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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