it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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