u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
