We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
