i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
