hotel room ftw
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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