I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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