I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My dick has a subreddit
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
