Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The feeling are messing with the penis
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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