It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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