hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
