Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
