chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
