I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
