I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How's work?
Spinning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
