What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
