i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
