God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i need some magic done to my vagina
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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