You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
