but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize