i don't like sucking hair
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
