I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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