I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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